1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work and you still answer the phone in a businesslike manner.

7. You make phone calls from home and you accidentally dial “9″ to get an outside line.

8. You’ve sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o’clock news.

11. Your boss doesn’t have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. Smile

17. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list.

well, golf clubs. pretty pimp i must say. bridgestones

jimmy, the doggie, left 2 fresh piles of poop on the wooden floor when i got home today. stinky dog poo what a way to come home from vacation

haikou was fun. played golf. drank. massage. etc. uh more poop problem. i had achy tommy on the last night. had to run to the toilet way too often… luckily after the night out of drinking and paragraph below. unluckily i only got 2 hours of sleep.
btw, the masseuse was hilarious. some interesting convo. apparently, she is a villiage girl that likes chubby guys. yall fat peeps take notice she also hugs her mom while she sleeps she talked about *ahem* package size. then she groped me down there (she was like after that ) and i wasn’t getting THAT kind of massage damn women, need to keep her hands to themselves. i shoulda copped a feel too. uh i do mean boobies lets not think about THAT. i AM going to Thailand for some golfing sometime soon
dammit, i think i am bout to pukey pukey. i gross myself out sometimes… uh, i’ll just blame it on the unsettled tommy
/rambling mode. i heard too much of chinese accent mandarin. must… use… engrish… i mean english oh and attack of the smilies w00t

Dear dogs and cats:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

They live here. You don’t.

If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it “fur”niture.

I like my pets a lot better than most people.

To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids…they eat less, don’t ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don’t hangout with drug-using friends, don’t smoke or drink, don’t worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don’t wear your clothes, and don’t need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children!

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I do know of a dog who likes to smoke if your lit cig is within the reach of his nose. he’ll just climb all over ya to get a wiff.